October 26, 2009// 12:22
just a summary of what’s going on. last week has felt like saturday everyday for some reason. i haven’t slept much, lots of xanax, going out on school nights when i obv shouldn’t be. i’ve felt like i’ve been under a lot of stress lately. i don’t know if it’s a combination of things, or a single thing, or what. i just feel like i can’t keep a good consistency.
last monday i don’t remember much, tuesday i went to the toldedo zoo all sorts of fucked up but i took some pretty decent photographs. wednesday i hardly remember, i do know i went out till 3 in the morning, thursday was a rave! that made my week. friday i went to cmu, saturday i hung out with a friend all night and sunday i just got real fucked up from xannies and i woke up at 6 this morning with papers all around me and a clean room with the lights on and was in utter confusion.
today was great earlier. idknow i don’t want to get into details but i don’t like talking about life shit and guys who say i’m beautiful and how great of a person i am when it isn’t true. because if that was the case i would be with someone right now. i hate people who tell me they want me to be happy, tell me to be positive. well no shit, ever think i don’t think that either? ever think i had even the decency to try and make that happen? i’m sorry things don’t land on my lap as easily as others. idknow. i don’t like hypocrisy ,i don’t enjoy liars. i’d rather hear the truth more than anything.
i’ve been crying for a very long time and i’m going to look like shit tomorrow. excellent.
