December 1// 11:36
i am happy but i’m not. i feel relieved but i’m still not. probation is almost done, school is better but not good enough. money is nice to have, ive recently realized this but it still isn’t enough. ive been feeding off cigarettes and i love smoke and the way you can see but can’t see and how it slowly dissipates through the thin air and refilling and refilling and watching it go on again. i feel weird but weird in sense that can never be explained but what else is new ,everyone says the same things and i say the same things and i’m talking in cycles and i’m talking like a crazy person but sometimes things are better explained that way. i want to be satisfied , everyone does but i don’t think that happens for anyone. you may not ever be alone but you can still feel detached and terrible ,and in my case i still don’t know if it’s good or bad. my insides are empty except when the smoke rolls in but my head is indeed very full. an overload of things of things and i’m not sure how much i can take anymore.
